Wednesday, June 23, 2004


"{They} live like this, sheltered in a delicate world and believe [they] are living. Then you read a book, or take a trip or talk with [a fellow writer] and discover that it is not living, it is hibernation.
The symptoms of hibernation are easily detectible... first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death); absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices, they drive a car, they raise children and then some shock treatment takes place... a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death."

Anaïs Nin, "The diary of Anaïs Nin".

Been almost 4 years in my actual job. Recently heard that I was one of the 40% to be made redundant but finally got a 3-month extension. My work is so boring, senseless, monotonous, repetitive and stupid that had I known better I should have brought a monkey with me the first day. By now the monkey will be able to substitute me, perhaps even outperforming me. I could be like "From now on I won't shave and will be not talkative at all" and then send the monkey dressed with my clothes. Very few people will notice the difference, and most likely those who do instead of denouncing me will actually be buying monkeys for themselves in no time.
Work. It makes me do things that I do not want to do and keeps me from doing everything that I enjoy at all times, leaving only scarce spare times to fullfill myself. Everyday I commute to work and think of myself as a lemming. Everybody else is a lemming aswell, we go from place to place, walking, commanded by forces we do not understand. The player that runs the game is god or the devil or money or whatever you want to believe, but it doesn't make a difference: if you have to build stairs for the other lemmings to climb, you will build stairs, if you have to dig holes, you will dig holes, if you have to explode, well...
The text quoted above is written by a person that thinks that some people may be saved from lemmingville, but it is only one of the two possibilities. The other is to believe that there is no escape, that even if you feel your life fullfilled you are stil a part of the game. It's a personal call.

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