Monday, February 16, 2004

Sorrow for the lost Lenore

"Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her."

Pablo Neruda, poem 20, "20 love poems and a song of despair" (You can read the whole poem in english or in spanish)

Last weekend was the end of something that was dying since the beginning, I even doubt if it ever existed. Learnt to control my feelings in the future, or at least to try to do so. As it is being said in a Muse song ("Stockholm syndrome" you can read it here but you better listen to it),

"This is the last time I'll abandon you
And this is the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could"

Neruda's stand is that the poem is the last one he is going to write her, but Muse's song talks about the impossibility of forgetting the loved one. I feel more akin to Muse's approach, I think that to try and forget something we have deeply loved is an exercise in futility. And this leads us to a more general question: the impossibility of controlling our very own worries, sufferings, remorses, etc.
We are more than often troubled by useless concerns, thinking about things that are not in our hands, and yet we can do nothing but surrender to our brain's unreasonable will. The really important things are there, but it is just as if they were in a deeper level of cognition: when we believe ourselves touched by tragedy the only thing that matters is tragedy itself, and tragedy grows bigger and stronger fed (fedback I daresay) by those thoughts. Sometimes we are lucky and our mind develops some defence like the ones mentioned in the previous post, but until that substitute comes we are helpless.
The fact is I can not see a use for all those pointless thoughts, all those moments in which we are focused on our own mistakes (losts, feelings, uncertain future, ...) thus missing all the important things in life. Surely remorse is a good thing and the pain that comes after realizing that we have done something wrong is a reinforcement that will serve us not to repeat the same error again in the future, but what about other distressing feelings such as homesickness, or plain sorrow for a lost love?
I guess suffering is inherent to humanity, but if I was God I would be easier on the share of suffering that humans have to withstand.

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